DadLife: Advice To My Kids

Welcome to DadLife!   My goal is to write about once a month on things that Dad’s encounter and feel.   I will cover things from my perspective from food cravings to postpartum to raising kids and that feeling when they leave for college.

I had a lot of ideas of where I should start with my first article, but ultimately decided to start with advice I commonly give me kids.   As a dad of seven (ages 8 to 19) I feel like I stream advice like my kids stream Fuller House on Netflix.   

So, read on and let me know what you think or things you would like to hear about!

• Feelings are NOT facts!   Always remember to get the facts in situations in life.   Just because you feel something may be true, doesn’t mean it is.  Often, our heart and brain tell us how to feel and that can interpret what you feel are facts.  However, the kid next door might not have meant to hurt your feelings, he may not have sent the text the way you read it.   Be sure of what you think you know.

• Perception is EVERYTHING!  Ever heard the phrase “there are two sides to every story” or “the truth is in the middle?”  These are sooo true and it’s because of perception.   Our perception comes from our own personal experiences.  Two people can be in the same room with someone and hear two totally different versions.  Be careful not to let your perception get in the way of your listening (this goes hand in hand with number one.)

• I am doing the best I can – with the information that I have.   Parenting is TOUGH, and we often must make decisions on the fly – constantly – especially when kids are fighting.  We make the best decision we can with the information we have at the time.  Sometimes, I find out I was wrong.  Sometimes, I wish I handled it differently.  Often, I wish I could go back and fix it.  However, I did the best I could with the information that I had, the problem is just that I don’t always have all the facts.   Be patient with us, just as you want us to be patient with you.

• Thank you goes a long way!   Always use your manners, it’s just that simple.

• Don’t compare yourself to others.  Whether its your grades, or the vacation your friend is taking.  Don’t do it.   You are YOU!  You are unique, don’t change who you are.   Do you, try hard and be your best, not someone else’s best.  You will struggle at things, so will they.  Everything looks greener on the other side.  They may be going away for winter break, but things might be crumbling in the walls of their home.  You might have to struggle for a grade, but it will teach you something.   Worry about YOU and not what everyone else is doing.

• Life isn't fair.   You will not always get your way.   You wont always win.  Learn to accept it and understand that.   You can learn a lot from this world when you dont think something is fair, as long as you open your eyes and dont blame everyone else for it.   Sometimes you can be right and still be wrong.  How you accept the unfairness and move forward says a lot about you - keep pushing forward!

• Work it out!  You get one family and its complicated.  Often times, more complicated than it really needs to be.   Don't let little things get in they way of your relationships with the people who truly care about you.  Those who have been with you since the beginning.  Love each other, be kind, support eachother even when you disagree.  

• Don’t be in such a rush to grow up.   Every kid thinks that things are better once they turn “18.”  Please know, this is just a number to indicate that our government considers you to be an adult.  Nothing else magically happens this day, the world keeps turning.   Sure, you “get freedom” from your parents, but you also trade that for bills and less protection from your parents.  Remember, we have been a buffer for 18 years for as much as we can.  This world doesn’t really care what your going through, time continues for us all.   Enjoy being a kid!

• Be a palm tree!   This is advice from a friend, but we use it.   Palms trees bend, sometimes in hurricane strength winds and still don’t break.   Be flexible, things are not always going to go according to plan, in fact as a parent, they rarely do.  Remember to always be flexible and bend.  It will help you keep your expectations managed better and keep you happier in the long run.